Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Close Every Door To Me

Close Every Door To Me - Watch Here

Close every door to meHide all the world from meBar all the windowsAnd shut out the light
Do what you want with meHate me and laugh at meDarken my daytimeAnd torture my night
If my life were important I would ask "Will I live or die?"But I know the answers lieFar from this world
Close every door to meKeep those I love from meChildren of IsraelAre never alone
For I know I shall findMy own peace of mindFor I have been promisedA land of my own
Close every door to meHide all the world from meBar all the windowsAnd shut out the light
Just give me a numberInstead of my nameForget all about meAnd let me decay
I do not matterI'm only one personDestroy me completelyThen throw me away
If my life were important I would ask "Will I live or die?"But I know the answers lieFar from this world
Close every door to meKeep those I love from meChildren of IsraelAre never alone
For we know we shall findOur own peace of mindFor we have been promisedA land of our own

Pondering over troubles. Thinking about times when mistreatment occurs. Life is not easy, it's not meant to be. A reason for living is learning. Joseph was unfairly cast into prison, his own brother sold him into slavery and yet he stood uprightly in the eyes of the Lord. Not once did he give up. Granted I'm sure there were times of doubt, when his body and spirit were to the point of breaking. When he would cry and ask that his burdens be lifted, as do we all. There is no shame in being tired. Do not feel guilty for feeling weary and worn. Do not give up. DO NOT GIVE UP!

I love how beautifully this song illustrates the concept of faith. Each door may be closed, the world may shut you out, there may be no windows from which to escape from, you may be in pitch darkness, laughed at, even tortured. But we are still not only asked, but expected to believe. To keep faith.

D&C 122:7

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Find Me in Him

Find me honesty, integrity, worthiness, and hope
I will discover light and life
Genuine Happiness
The understanding of Joy and selflessness he will possess

I will find service and kindness in his heart
True Respect
His loyalty speaks well of his character

In the world he sees innumerable choices and possibilities
Dripping Sweat from the attainment of goals
No pride
Feelings of self worth and greatness in achievement

Contagious Laughter
A beautiful smile
Serious faces for serious matters
Blissful in contentment
Easiness and passion

Quiet moments meant for pondering

Heart ache for the sufferings of his Brothers

Gentle when needed
Aggressive in taking action


Constant search for wisdom

Stand up with chest high in the face of injustice
Courage and the insight to ask for aid

He will praise and glorify 
He will lift up all
He will love learning to have no limits

He, will find in me. 

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A Little Something Ethical

A while ago in the news the world was set on fire by a tragedy that as highlighted by the deaths of multiple children and adults. So many tears were cast of saddened faces, depression struck families that were associated, and anger caused many to speak harsh words. When innocent people are killed our nations bands together by some force other than sheer will and demands to stay by the side of the hurt and fallen. We are United. I wonder if situations such as the Sandy Hook Elementary school shootings cause individuals to reevaluate. Maybe now they will utter a prayer of gratitude, or make that phone call to their sister "just because". However minimal, this event caused change. How long this change will last I cannot say. My hope is that families begin to understand that it is necessary to show love now so that there is not regret later.

To my surprise there are new YouTube videos and web articles circulating all over screaming READ THIS!!!! SANDY HOOK SHOOTING STAGED!!! Um...what? Little babies have just been killed and some idiots are whispering about conspiracy theories? I thought that we had more trust than that. Actually, I thought that we had more faith than that. Let me make myself quite clear; It does not matter is this massacre was set up or real, weather there was one gunman or three, or even if he used a pistol. The consequences remain the same. Stop pretending that sharing a post on Facebook makes a difference. Are you willing to tell the families of those children that their deaths were just a stepping stones for our government to pass more laws? No. Knowing the truth to weather these shootings were government organized or not won't cause the earth to reverse rotation giving us a do-over of that day. No, now there is a choice to be made consciously  Do we as individuals stand up for what each of us believes to be good? Or do we allow others to act upon us, slowly taking away our ability to act for ourselves?

I heard this quote and immediately laughed. Later on I realized that there is no humor in it-

"You can choose to not own a gun. You can also choose not to believe in God. But when the lives of your family members are threatened  the first thing that you will do is call the people with the guns and pray to God that they get there in time."

I have put God's power put into question because He "did nothing" to stop those children's lives from being taken. Wrong again. Here is something else to ponder on- perhaps if God was allowed in schools He would help protect them ( figuratively speaking). I am blown away that He is pushed and shoved out of public but then blamed for His "absence". 

On another but related note, children are teachable. At early stages in life they learn so much! They are even capable of understanding laws! They know not to hurt others, and they know that stealing is wrong. I believe that if taught correctly they could manage the concept if gun safety! So maybe teaching our children about guns and protection is the answer. Knowledge > Restriction. 

Monday, January 14, 2013


Sometimes I feel like all I need in my life at that very moment to be happy would be quesadillas. The amazing kind that are perfectly crunchy on the outside and full of hot goodness! I recently learned that putting slices of turkey inside while still on the stove and letting it be just long enough for the meat to heat up makes it taste even more like a completion of life. LOVE them. The cool new friend who smiles a lot also told me this short story.

"See my shoes? Well they pee on the floor! They have crevasses in the bottom to help me from not slipping on the wet floors at work. Here is the bad part though. In weather like this with tons of snow on the ground they pick it up and then pee on the floor when its above freezing temperature inside! How awful is that!? It's frustrating to get told over and over to clean up the pee on the floor!"

By the end of this story I was laughing so hard! The thing is, it wasn't meant to be funny, he was completely serious! This kid rocks! He makes me laugh and smile and we make yummy food together and do yoga. That has been the extent of our togetherness so far.. Im sure there will be more adventures to come.


Thursday, January 10, 2013

Thinking Love Through

People love. We are natural born lovers. Of self, others, pets, objects. Some love quickly, others from the sidelines. What one person may love is absolute foolishness to another. Love is not passion. It is not deep curiosity. Whimsical interest does not make love. I thought that if all of those things did not on their own make up love then adding them together would surely mean that love was present. Somehow I think that the process acts exactly opposite to our immediate thought.

What if passion, curiosity and interest were all results of love. Not the kind of love for something temporal, but the deepest, realest love of all. The type of love that is in a class above all the rest. Charity. This love is implanted in every human being, but having said that I do not mean we all possess it. We are given the opportunity to claim it, but only through real work can it be brought out of the depths of our person and given to others. Everyone really, because charity cannot be given selectively. It is for all man kind. Which brings me back...I think that the potential to grasp charity is what pushes each person to latch on to things and other people. It creates a desire to know more about an enjoyable topic. It places deep rooted passion for activities inside of someone. And it draws all kinds of people together. The divinity of charity provides humans with attraction toward one another that is not only physical, but mental and spiritual as well. Uncountable connections are made by people coming together. To me, those connections are rooted in charity, in our ability to relate to another person simply because we are both alive.

A young women is walking down the street, she probably has a lot of things on her mind yet, she still looks up just in time to see another person walking directly toward her. They make the quickest eye contact
(physical connection), the girl smiles but her warmness is not returned. The stranger is not upset nor do they act as though offended. They merely place their attention back to the bleak side walk and continue on their path. The story ends with our girl feeling slightly frustrated. But why? Who was the stranger to her? These are not the correct questions. What I very much want to know is, what did the second person represent? In her frustrations that she was not also smiled at this girl shows us our desire for connection. Our overwhelming need to create links, however minimal, that chain us to another. This must stem from somewhere. Why not charity. Is it too crazy to believe that our surface level want for love is really only because we already love?

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

As We Wished- The Penny Date

1:30 am Fairbault MN and I find myself lost, sort of. I wouldn't be so much lost if he hadn't of gotten pulled over for blocking the entrance to a street. Eventually I get less lost until we find each other. I park in a run down lot outside of McDonald's and we take off. To where are we going? At this point I have no clue. Not even the slightest feeling that this night would be different from all of the rest. Not nights that is, but experiences. As he drives we sing and smile. He parks his so very not conspicuous car and just looks at me grinning. I take this to mean " We're here!" but I still have no idea where here is...at all. There are no more roads, just a dead end and a huge forest. 

(This might be a good time to tell you that I am afraid of the dark!)

We walk along the edge for a while, him trying to convince me that it's safe. I know he is right, but it still looks so scary from the outside! We hold hands tightly while walking through, in fact we even found a path. I close my eyes, counting to ten, when I open them not only has my gaze adjusted but the sight is breath taking. No stars but the full moon was glowing and radiating the happiness that I felt. My shoes were easily kicked off as underneath the sky ran a quiet cold river pushed up against warm white sand.

From his pocket he pulls out two rolls of pennies. Handing me one he explains that tonight we will be making wishes and throwing the gems into the water. The best part is that each wish will be verbal. 

I could tell you about the 2.5 hours of conversation that the 98 wishes helped us to create but even knowing that wouldn't bring you any closer to knowing him. As we wished we danced. As we wished we laughed. As we wished we felt. As we wished we got eaten alive by bugs. The last wish was made by him. To always be together even if not physically. To remember and never forget. To remember how quickly and deeply our friendship began and ran in us. 

6 months ago today I found his penny. I had lost mine earlier that day, but I wanted his more. He had set it on a desk in plain sight knowing perfectly that I would be the one to find it and know it's meaning. As we wished we smiled.

Monday, January 7, 2013

The Why

What would you do if you had $2500 deposited into your bank account every week? Maybe the first weeks you would buy everything cool; electronics, cars, clothes. Then once you have it all you buy things for others, but that loses it's excitement as well. So you buy a house, take trips, buy everything on those trips. Basically you are living a very comfortable life, but without fail that money still comes in. You worked incredibly hard for what you have and what you will get for the rest of your life, but why? If buying things and taking trips no longer excites you, then what has all of the hard work been for? 

I have this really cool dream! I day dream about having the ability to open up free physical rehabilitation clinics for people who cannot afford to pay at a hospital. I want teen athletes to get taken care of without the back breaking stress of the bills on their parents shoulders. I want talented gymnasts to be trained by the best coaches and have their dreams of a shot at making it big come true even though they don't have the money to buy leotards, gym time, or live in another state. Through out my life there have been countless people who have believed in me and supported me in everything I have done. All I want is for the kids who grew up like me and their parents to understand that dreams are always possible. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Sanctuaries of Happiness

I still feel it! All light, airy, and loved!

I was asked tonight what the highlights of my year have been. My response was negative and then I turned the question around to him. After 15 minutes I had come up with one thing. Moving to Utah* 

The earlier negative statement I had made was somewhere along the lines of this " This year has been really hard, kind of a downer. Im not sure I have many highlights." Right now I am taking that back because even though the low times have been the absolute lowest I have so far experienced, the high points were mountains, higher than all of the real mountains piled together. 

1) My birthday party in 2012 was one of the first times I realized that there are genuine people and families that really really love me outside of my own.

2) My coaching position at K&G gymnastics was a lifeline that I was able to cling to. The children I taught there brought joy and peace to my heart.

3) The people I have had the honor of meeting have molded and changed the path of my life. Specifically the two that let me in to their lives, together we made sanctuaries of happiness. And the other 18 who blessed me with protection.

In the years that follow tonight, I do not ask for hardship to be taken. I ask only for an increased ability to fight it.

I am amazed as I search my mind, reading memories from that year that will never be forgotten. So much has changed. It has been a year of refinement, and goodness. My resolution; To Stand a Little Taller.