Do you ever find yourself being so caught up in how others perceive you that you virtually forget yourself? That you want the people you love to see you "just right" so you push yourself, in every direction and you fit almost too perfectly inside the mold that you created for yourself.
" I am happier this way."
"Those changes were necessary"
But what about the person who got left behind?
I do this. I unravel the yarn of my character until I reach the beginning at which point I twirl and weave and wind myself back up so tightly that I am unrecognizable. I do it in the hopes of keeping love, or somehow earning it. No one can earn love because then it isn't love anymore. It's something that has been distorted,, shrunken down to look like what it isn't.
The simple things are how I remember to be me. I remember to speak up when my beliefs are being mocked, because yes, believe it or not but I do have conviction. I remember that I have changed and come so far when maybe another wants to always see me for who I used to be. I remember to smile when I am encouraged.
To simplify and remember. That is my charge in life.
But...easier said than done, right?