The Spark

There are so many things that "shock" me on a daily basis. Circumstances that send an electric bolt of energy inside of me. People I see, things that I hear, or experiences that I have the opportunity of being a part of.  Have you ever prayed so hard, pleaded really, for something, anything to go the way that you wanted? I have. But life doesn't actually care. In fact, time and again prayers are answered with a resounding silence where I am then overcome with the feeling that He is speaking directly into my soul saying "Dear Sweet Sabrina, you already know the answer. So stop it dummy!" And then I remember that it's His will be done..unfortunately not mine.

Investigate this idea. Could God still be pouring out blessings, by not directly giving us the things that we want?

Could good things come from pain?

Could what I want, be what I actually want?

Could letting go of the old make way for something not only new, but bigger and better?

I'll answer number one first.

Pain just sucks. It hurts! I used to think that falling from the top of a beam hurt, nah that was just a couple of broken bones. If you are looking for pain, the emotional/ spiritual kind is where it's at. Not really. I actually wouldn't wish it upon anyone simply because it is the worst. So why is it within my capability as a human being to feel this thing called pain? Pain is defined as "A basic bodily sensation induced by a stimulus received by naked nerve endings resulting in physical discomfort." So I know that pain isn't going to make me feel good, why do I want it? Most often times I don't. However a basic study of my life so far has shown that almost 100% of the time shortly after an occurrence of pain my mind is expanded and in some form, I will become more knowledgeable then I was previous to the hurt. Studies also show that statistics can lie, but just trust me on this one. And if you don't well then, lets keep going. If there is one thing that I know it is this; pain is a feeling. It is something that is experienced often times without any physical appearance of there being anything wrong! As a human I rely upon feelings 24/7. Does the sun feel too hot? My stomach feels sick. It's inevitable, I need feelings because I was programmed to need them. But what about this word. Faith. This simple yet inspiring concept urges me to believe without seeing, without any physical evidence. What if I was also programmed to need faith? Faith to believe in feelings? Feelings and faith are two different ideas working in concert one with another for a unifying purpose; my happiness and my security. God can put feelings into me, however I need to rely on my faith in Him specifically when it comes to pain. Pain feels bad, however faith is what will allow for me to know that not only can good things come from it. But that the greatest of all my blessings has already has.

I found this quote that exemplifies perfectly the idea of "want".

“I don't want whatever I want. Nobody does. Not really. What kind of fun would it be if I just got everything I ever wanted just like that, and it didn't mean anything? What then?” 
― Neil Gaiman, Coraline

Imagine what would happen if just for a day you got everything that you want?

*You left for work late and still wanted to arrive on time. So you do.
*You don't want to pay for lunch. You find $5.00 on the sidewalk.
*You want to relax and not be bothered when you get home. When you drive up, no one is home to bother you.

Great huh? I want to look at it from someone else's perspective.

*In your hurry to arrive on time for work you cut off a person with a medical emergency who will now have to wait longer to get help.
*That 5 bucks you found belonged to a small boy who needed it to help buy a new bike.
* And when you got home from work your husband/ wife had taken the children out just so you could relax.

Daily we expectantly want one thing or another without giving any thought as to how it may affect anyone but ourselves. Whereas in reality our life is going to be made up of 10% of the "coincidences" that happen resulting from the actions or of another. Which leaves us 90% of life to be lived by our own actions and attitudes.  Do you still want what you want?

Here is  a part of my hypothesis; Pain comes from lost hope in or not receiving the things that we "want". Try this on for size. Stop wanting what YOU want and focusing on the things that you can get. Instead focus on what you can give in the hopes that others will feel your spark.

Question number 3.
Letting go. Ew. I hate hearing those words yet I say them everyday. One child will have a toy and another one will snatch it, one of my first responses to the second kid is "Please let go and give it back". And the same thing happens every time I say it. Surprise! The kid doesn't want to let go. I wouldn't either, that toy was cool! It had lights on it. But then I find myself showing the second child an even cooler toy! One that has lights on it AND it can sing! And now both children are happy.

I am choosing to learn from the humble on this one. When I am forcibly told to "Let go" I know that I am not going to want to because that specific "toy" is the best thing ever! Letting go will mean that I have nothing that I want. Having nothing that I want means I am going to be hurt. But what I don't see is that the bigger, better, and maybe even the best thing is being held by the person telling me to let go. And that I can only receive what they want to give me if I drop the thing that I am holding on to. 

It all fits together. Often times I need to allow myself to go through pain and to give up something that for a time has made me happy. But doing so will never be in vain because that pain is only making helping me to expand, making room for the "new things".

I have found that the biggest blessings can only be found during the hard times. And that when the hard times are set aside I can look back, breath deeply and know that they were a blessing as well.